I was raised with the understanding that "everything is consciousness" as the underlying basis of life. Aged 6 I started practicing Transcendental Meditation (TM) and attended both the Maharishi School in the UK and the Maharishi University in the USA. Because TM and the Vedic knowledge of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was the paradigm that I grew up in I saw it as 'normal', in the same way Jesus and the Bible are normal to those brought up in Christian household. It was so normal that I never really considered myself a 'spiritual seeker', I took it for granted and I never really had any other context or knowledge of spirituality outside of this viewpoint. Over the years I did have many wonderful and expansive experiences with TM, but overall I was not deeply invested or even particularly interested in spiritual development, higher states of consciousness or Self-realisation, and so had quite a blasé relationship with it all.
In 2013 my closest friend committed suicide; that day was the day "I walked out of my life" and everything that I once felt to be important was no longer so. It threw into question my whole existence and how I was living my life. I became more interested in various non-dual teachers such as Mooji, Adyashanti and Wayne Liquorman, among others. In 2014, the morning before my husband Martyn and I were due to attend a silent retreat with Adyashanti, and while reading Suzanne Segal's book 'Collision with the Infinite' I experienced a dramatic spontaneous non-dual awakening. Although this initial experience only lasted for around 24hrs, I experienced a lasting shift that led to months of living in blissful joy and a quiet no-thought state for much of the time, bringing the once casual interest in spirituality to the forefront of my life.
During this time the opportunity arose for us to live and work closely with Mooji at his Ashram in Portugal. This was an intense and beautiful experience, basking in the presence of a living Master. Over the course of a year I had many breakthroughs and deepening insights, stripping away many false beliefs and concepts – and I even felt "I had it" at one point. But there was something being held back/protected, there was still an investment in my identity, a subtle belief in a separate self/ego that would instigate suffering when directly challenged, something that I didn't recognise the full extent of until many months later. For the last few months of living with Mooji, Martyn had left the ashram following a RASA transmission with Ramaji. Despite my scepticism I saw such a dramatic change in him, he was no longer deeply afflicted and his strong lifelong 'seeking' had fallen away. Curiosity of this change led me to receive my own RASA transmission about 6 months later.
Following the RASA, the profound realisation dawned that there was nothing to 'get' and that there wasn't, and never had been any-ONE to get it! The sense that 'I' am a separate 'self' or 'doer' who thinks and acts autonomously in this 'world' was obliterated.
For the following year or so I experienced a period of intense integration, learning to live life with no solid ground to walk on. All the previously held beliefs, issues and past traumas formerly avoided, were now coming into the light of awareness, being processed and released. They were no longer hidden under layers of the egoic strategy.
I now find that life is utterly raw, spontaneous, beautiful, and utterly in the Now.